Getting out of my inner shell............

Sat. Aug. 25

I've been thinking a lot lately on whether to write this or not.

But today I decided to write about it.

Most of you know that I have disability, and I've kept it inside of me for quite a while now and today's its coming out.

Its not on the outside of me, its in the inside (mental wise).

One minute I'm acting like a normal kid and the next minute its take me forever just to figure out one little thing, like how to pick up my sister from work, which really isn't that hard, but its hard for me.

I'm used to I guess. Not many people have seen me go through the different stages that I have, but that maybe a good thing.

With this disability, comes depression.

I've had for too long, but this summer has been the worst for me. I left my job at the end of March this year and since then I haven't found a new job.

Its been really bad. I'm on the computer 24/7 and with nothing else to do, I read all the new things on the messageboards about Clay Aiken.
If you haven't noticed, I'm a Clay Aiken fan. He's helped me a lot (through his music), but sometimes it gets a little boring after a while.
I'm not saying Clay is boring, but every single day I go on the same old messageboards and there isn't any "new" news to report. :(

I need something else to do, but I don't know what.

Since I'm way too depressed, I always listen to "I Will Carry You" by Clay, but today I found another song that I like.

Its called "These Open Arms" recorded by Clay on his last album and originally recorded by Bon Jovi. The song is below at youtube and its a montage made by my friend Aspiegirl (Kathy) and she did a really good job on it. Btw, it will have Clay pics in it, but I just want you to listen to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5_IVnTOoOA

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Sun. Aug. 26

Also no one wants me to have a job. What's wrong with you people??
This morning (Sunday morning) I'm losing it again!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so depressed. I don't know what else to do.
My computer really loves me...........haha......yea right!
It restarted on its own this morning and I was almost done burning a DVD!!!!!!!!!!!

I will not try again today, 'cause its so much trouble. I'm just trying to do something productive here!!!!!!!!!!

ETA: I will not try to burn something for a while, 'cause I'm so fed up with that one thing, I don't need it to make me mad again.
Edited on Aug. 28..................


Also I can't get into one of my email accounts, so I went to another one! Its an old one, but it still works. So if anyone wants it, just holler! :)
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Tuesday Aug. 28
Wow, today I final will post this looonnnngggg post!
Its taken me two days.............

Just pray for me tomorrow and the next day, 'cause I have two interviews the next two days and they both at 10am (EST). So just think about me, will ya? Thanks!

Sarah :)

When Life Hurts/God's Suffering

Wow, haven't done this in a while, but today in church something clicked for me.

Today we talked about God's suffering in our lives. He doesn't give us suffering for a reason, sometimes he tests us with suffering. Suffering isn't good, its not like we like it so much that we sign up for "Suffering 101" (tm) Pastor Jeff.
God doesn't like suffering either, but its just a way of life. Sometimes through hard times (like when we're suffering) we grow closer to God.

Sometimes we suffer when we talk to people about Jesus. They make fun of us and don't believe us and that sometime hurts.

Verses from this morning:

1 Peter 4:10, 11, 13, 16, 19
10 Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.
11 If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
13 But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
16 However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.
19 So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

In a nutshell of those verses, it says:
If you have a gift that God has given you, use in a way that shows that God is being praised through you. You might be overwelmed with his gifts, but His glory is going to be revealed through you no matter what happens. You will suffer when you are Christian, but don't be ashamed to proclaim his name even though some people won't like it.
When you believe in God, commit yourselves to him and continue to do good.

It's funny how much stuff you can learn in an hour.

That's all for today.

~Sarah~

My thoughts....

I know I haven't been here in a while, but I wanted to tell you guys (you know who you are) my thoughts over the past few days.....
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I was feeling depressed lately because I just quit my job and now I'm trying to find another job. Its a lot harder than it looks. I'm trying to find something that I like, only problem is I don't know what I like to do. I like accounting, typing, and I'm also very organized.
So just pray that I find a job that I like.
Thanks.

*hugs*

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I went to the Passion play yesterday and I was surprised that I didn't cry over it. Usually with spiritually stuff, my emotions usually run really high. Don't ask me why, but they do. But yesterday I didn't cry. I went to play with a group of women from my parent's Sunday school class. It was interesting. For the people who know where I live, traffic was horrible! *insert mad emotion*
It was interesting play. It was the life of Jesus and it showed his life before and after he was crucified. Since it was a musical too, it had speaking and singing parts; even a 10 year old boy had a solo.
When I got home (around 6pm), I felt a little calmness come over me. It just felt like God was telling me, I need to work on knowing him more and not Clay [Aiken]. Its hard, but I will try my best.
You guys just pray that God will give me the strength to make that happen. I know that God has a plan for me, but He hasn't told me yet and I would like to know now. Patience is not one of my strongholds, but lately I have been told that God will get me through it.


Well that's about it.

I hope you enjoyed my [interesting] ramblings. :)

Sarah :)

My first blog!

Ok this is my first blog and this should interesting because I have so much to say.
Its hard to keep things inside and not tell anyone about them.

So thanks to Ashleigh, I started my own blog.
Since Ashleigh and me both have disabilities, I thought it would interesting to start writing about my troubles.
Ashleigh's troubles are nowhere near mine, but we still have problems.

Here we go:

I was born as a normal kid and everything seemed fine until I reached middle school and then everything changed.
I was smart-mouthing my parents, not caring about my homework, not doing my homework, etc. My parents thought it was just because I was maturing. Boy were they wrong.
Also I yelled at parents. I said things like, "I don't love you anymore. You don't care about me. Just leave me alone." I would slam doors, etc.
My yelling got so bad that every time I screamed, i screamed so loud that my siblings had to go outside so they wouldn't have to hear me.
When I was at school, I didn't yell, which was kinda of hard to do especially when you got picked on by bullies a lot. They never hit, they just called me names, and shut my locker even before I was done with it. Things like that wanted to make me yell, but I didn't.
One time the bullying got so out of hand, that one time I was sent to the assistant Principal's office for something I didn't do. It took the assistant principal awhile to figure out that it wasn't me.
School work was even harder. I had so much to do, I didn't even know where to start. My parents had to help me every night. Usually my homework would take like 5 hours to do, which was a long time.
Even during school, doing school work was hard. Since i was not a fast writer, it took me forever to take notes. Sometimes I had ask some of my classmates for their notes because I couldn't write that fast. Sometimes the teacher would give the notes when they were done with them. (back then, which wasn't that long ago, my teacher would use the overhead for our notes)

I barely past middle school. I failed seventh grade and had to take summer school. Which was nice because it was smaller then the normal classes that i used to take during the school months. Also I made a new friend that summer too. Hi Tyler!

High school on the other hand, was still too much for me. Just like middle school, there was lots of homework and sometimes I never got all of it done. I had friends, but they weren't that close. I still keep up with one of those friends. Hi Michael!

Like I said above, I barely graduated high school too. It was hard, but i made it!
I can now say that I graduated high school and I have the diploma to prove it!

Through all this, my family has been very supported of me. It took years to figure out what was wrong with me. I went to many people who thought they could figure out what was wrong with me, but that didn't help. finally in spring 2005, I found out that I had Aspergerer's Syndrome, which is a minor type of autism. AS (as I call it) hasn't been around for that long. I think its only 10 years old. My family has been trying their best to find things about AS that could help me.

One thing is for sure, I have a job. A good one at that. part-time, nice pay and lovely people to work with.

Also I have become a Christian as well. Its really hard, but I'm trying.
I keep thinking the Bible is boring but i know there are some interesting stuff in it, I just haven't had the time to look for it.
I've been in church all my life. I can't think of a time where i haven't been in church. I would always go on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights.

So that is why I put "God's Special Child" as my title.
Because I am his special child and I know he has a plan for me somewhere in the future.
Here's a quote that i keep reading over and over again:

If God seems so far, far away at times...guess who moved?

It fits me perfectly. I have moved away from God but God hasn't moved anywhere.
Speaking of quotes, here are some more that I found pertaining to God, that I like.

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
~Garth Brooks

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.
~Leo Buscaglia

God always answers our prayer. Either He changes the circumstances, or He supplies sufficient power to overcome them.
~Anonymous

God will not look your over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.
~Elbert Hubbard

Ok that's all!
Sorry that was a lot, but i was a roll.

Ok so that was my story.
Hope you enjoyed it!

Sarah